The more I trust the more I see

This point in my life is good. You know that warm joyful feeling of happiness and peace you feel in your chest different times in your life. It's such a wonderful way to feel. That feeling is something I experience more and more. I have made many realizations. As I have accepted and informed myself on others. Learned to let go and let God. Is this what growing older feels like? I say this because yes I am moving towards the age of 30. We all have life lessons that teach us with time.

 I'll be 29 this year. Looking back to lets say me at 18 years old. I was just married and thought I knew so much. I knew my interest, my goals, my wants and my fears. So I thought!

At age 20 I was blessed with a gift from God. Our first born child. My goals, my wants and my fears were not the same as before. It was not just about me anymore. Becoming a mother showed me many things I didn't know about life. The feeling of endless love and protection. The feeling of JOY. From that time in my life up until now, I have grown daily.  Each year I'm more knowledgeable, relaxed, spiritual and understanding. Closer to the person I one day want to become.

Still during many of these years without knowing it I had my own personal goals and ways of life that had to do fully with only my wants and interest. Even if my wants and interest were for my family, my children.
About three years ago a big thing happened to me. I began to let go and let God even more than ever. This has grown into a whole new level of life for me. Each day I look at life as myself first and foremost a child of God.

What do you want or need from me Lord? I trust in him fully to guide my life wherever he intends for it to go. I may not understand at times. But I trust .

Living this way makes you realize this life is temporary. It is here completely for you to serve the Lord, Live for him and then spend eternity with him in heaven. With this being said yes I still have interest, goals and wants. They are to grow within the Lord more and more each day. To continue to trust in him and allow my life to move in the direction he has intended. To teach my children to live this way.

My fears are not the same at all. Although I still have fears they come to me with a comfort that everything is in his hands. There are times I have to tell myself Be Still And Know That He Is God Or Let Your Touch Render My Peace. Thank you mother for telling me this all my life. Looking back now I know she knew that peace, I was so far from knowing.

So the question is do you get here from age and life lessons? Maybe?? But, I think it's what you pull in from your years of life lessons. Who did you blame?  What was your focus?  Did you get the big picture? I am grateful . At the same time it's hard for me to believe that at only 28 I have at least a glimpse of the big picture. I understand I'm far from seeing or knowing what so many others understand. It's growing more and more within my life and I'm excited about it.

Thankfully Allen is right here with me. We are constantly inspiring one another to continue this journey.
I am blessed to be close with my grandmother. I love her so much. This joy I feel is just a small amount of what she has. She knows the peace of the Lord. It surrounds her. As I say this I think of my mother and my aunts as well. Thank you all for planting this seed in me and praying for it to grow.